10 Annoying Characters at the Gym

Warning: the gym has been trying my patience lately. This combination of pregnancy hormones and my community’s HOA-funded gym has left me a bit on edge. It feels a lot like being “hangry”. I’ve decided to call it “prangry”.

Now that you’ve been warned, let’s talk. I’ve noticed there are a cast of “characters” who show up at every gym in America. Let’s take a look at the leading roles.

The Too Close for Comfort Guy

Too Close for Comfort Guy loves to get on the elliptical right next to you, even though there are six other ellipticals available.

The Drinking Fountain Addict

 You know that person who NEVER brings a water bottle? Instead, they perform a set, leave their sweaty equipment, and walk to the drinking fountain, no matter how far away it is. This leaves you wondering whether they’re done with their workout, taking a break, or just trying to spread germs.

The Over-Hydrator

Drinking Fountain Addict’s arch nemesis, Over-Hydrator lugs around a huge gallon of water and an assortment of protein-laced concoctions as he moves around the gym, often leaving large pieces of equipment in his wake.

The Chatty Cathy

This gym-goer loves to socialize and rarely spends time actually exercising. She can be found sitting on weight machines or standing in front of the dumbbell rack engaging in a lively conversation while you attempt to finish your set.

The Orgasm Dude

Orgasm Dude loves to show you how hard he’s working. Even when you can’t see him, you can hear him from across the gym. He emanates sounds similar to defecation or reaching climax.

The Liability

It’s obvious this guy is lifting way more than he can handle, as evidenced by his whacky form, heavy breathing, and tomato-red face. You spend your workout praying he doesn’t break his back.

The Texter

This girl loves to tell other people she’s exercising. She spends her workout slowly peddling a recumbent bike while concentrating on her smartphone. She’s also prone to texting while lying on a yoga mat, most often between crunches.

The Selfie Queen

Much like The Texter, The Selfie Queen loves to tell the world she’s at the gym. The primary difference is that she provides visuals. This gym rat can only be found in front of mirrors, usually angled with one hand on her hip and one heel elevated.

The Germ Monster

This person never wipes down equipment, leaving their sweat and germs everywhere. Perhaps they’re trying to make their mark on the gym, much like a peeing dog. If you see a Germ Monster, promptly plead with them to WIPE DOWN THE EQUIPMENT!!!

The Overly-Judgmental Pregnant Lady

Yup, that would be ME. Pregnancy has sure brought out my sassy side. I should note that this blog is all in fun, and I admit to playing some of these roles myself. I’m prone to hauling around a giant water bottle, thick notebook, and, at times, my phone as I traverse the gym floor (and we all need to take a selfie once in a while, right?).

Ok, let’s chat. Have you ever played one of these roles? Which characters did I miss?

9 Things No One Told Me About Pregnancy

I’ve always dreamed of being pregnant. To prepare myself for the future, I spent years soaking up every tidbit possible from gestating women. Since I (surprise!) found out I was pregnant on Halloween 2016 (perfect timing), I soon learned that most of my prenatal research was for naught. I knew nothing. There are certain things NO ONE ever told me. Here’s what I’ve learned during my first 18 weeks of pregnancy…

#1 My Pregnancy is Not Like My Mother’s…

If I’ve learned one thing, it’s that each pregnancy and baby is unique. My Mother never suffered from morning sickness, so my first trimester should have been hunky-dory, right? WRONG! I was completely blindsided by nausea/headache/vomiting for nine whole weeks! Uck!

#2 I Feel Isolated…

I never expected to feel isolated during pregnancy. After all, I’m carrying another human being in my uterus. Just to be clear, I’m definitely not alone. I have a wonderful family, great friends, and the world’s best fiance. However, I still feel terribly lonely at times, even when talking to other pregnant women. Perhaps this sense of isolation is God-given; a way to create a closer bond with my fiancé and baby. I recently told my mate that he’s the ONLY person who eases this isolated feeling. Even though he can’t fully understand my symptoms, this is our baby, our special project. This feeling is preparing us to be a family.

#3 I Feel Like I’m Living Behind a Pane of Glass…

This newfound sense of fragility is also isolating. Pregnancy is not a “condition” or weakness. It’s a completely natural, amazing miracle. However, I sometimes feel isolated by the things I can’t do. I’ve never been a smoker or drinker (and haven’t indulged in caffeine for years), but I’ve had to forgo high impact workouts, ice skating, and skiing. I think many women feel sad about these tiny sacrifices, but feel guilty for mentioning it. On that note…

#4 My “Motherly Guilt” Started at Conception…

I’d heard about the guilt that comes with motherhood, but never expected it to start the minute I found out I was pregnant. Had I worked out too hard? Had I eaten any unhealthy chemicals or food additives? Is it ok that my nails are painted??? Even worse, I felt guilty for being sad about morning sickness. I felt a constant need to clarify that I wasn’t sad about my pregnancy, just its debilitating symptoms.

#5 I Constantly Compare Myself to Others…

Comparisons are almost unavoidable. It’s weird how I suddenly see pregnant women everywhere, at the grocery store, shopping mall, and even in the media. Other women also love to regale me with stories of their pregnancies. Yesterday, a client gleefully informed me that she didn’t have to wear maternity clothes until she was eight months pregnant, then she proceeded to walk out of the hospital in her pre-pregnancy wardrobe. I’m not going to lie. I wanted to hit her.

#6 I Have Puberty Flashbacks…

Is that a stretch mark? Why are my boobs so big? Are my hips expanding? It’s like puberty all over again. Since this is my first pregnancy, I still don’t know how my body will respond to a growing baby. Every day is an adventure.

#7 I Compare My Baby to Fruit…

Anyone who has downloaded a gestation app knows that each week is marked by a fruit or vegetable that gives you a visual of how big baby has gotten. I find myself referring to my baby as the “little key lime” or “my head of lettuce”. Pregnancy in the 21st century is just plain bizarre.

#8 I Know Too Much…

Social media, apps, and other mothers dump information on me 24/7.  I receive constant advertisements for baby/maternity gear that I probably don’t need (but I really want!). Being the research nut that I am, I fervently seek advice and soak up every peer-reviewed study I possibly can. I find myself burnt out and confused by conflicting information.

#9 I Don’t Recognize Myself…

I’ve had moments when I look in the mirror and don’t recognize myself. Oddly, this sensation came most often during the first trimester. Perhaps it was the tired, drawn look I adopted due to constant queasiness. Perhaps it was shock and disbelief that I was carrying a child. Either way, it’s a strange feeling. I can only imagine how I’ll feel in the third trimester!

It’s all Worth It…

The minute I heard our baby’s heartbeat, I forgot all about morning sickness, guilt, and anxiety about my expanding hips. This experience is new to me, and sometimes challenging, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

Ok Ladies, what are some things no one ever told YOU about pregnancy?

Review of TRX – Why This Personal Trainer Loves It

Hey Guys! If you’ve ever wondered about those strange straps in the gym, please check out my latest blog post for Ignite Your Healthy Life:

Review of TRX – Why This Personal Trainer Loves It

6 Energy-Boosting Foods & Drinks to Keep You Safe & Alert

Hey Guys! Please check out my newest blog post for some ways to perk up!

6 Energy-Boosting Foods & Drinks to Keep You Safe & Alert