Warning: the gym has been trying my patience lately. This combination of pregnancy hormones and my community’s HOA-funded gym has left me a bit on edge. It feels a lot like being “hangry”. I’ve decided to call it “prangry”.
Now that you’ve been warned, let’s talk. I’ve noticed there are a cast of “characters” who show up at every gym in America. Let’s take a look at the leading roles.
The Too Close for Comfort Guy
Too Close for Comfort Guy loves to get on the elliptical right next to you, even though there are six other ellipticals available.
The Drinking Fountain Addict
You know that person who NEVER brings a water bottle? Instead, they perform a set, leave their sweaty equipment, and walk to the drinking fountain, no matter how far away it is. This leaves you wondering whether they’re done with their workout, taking a break, or just trying to spread germs.
Drinking Fountain Addict’s arch nemesis, Over-Hydrator lugs around a huge gallon of water and an assortment of protein-laced concoctions as he moves around the gym, often leaving large pieces of equipment in his wake.
The Chatty Cathy
This gym-goer loves to socialize and rarely spends time actually exercising. She can be found sitting on weight machines or standing in front of the dumbbell rack engaging in a lively conversation while you attempt to finish your set.
The Orgasm Dude
Orgasm Dude loves to show you how hard he’s working. Even when you can’t see him, you can hear him from across the gym. He emanates sounds similar to defecation or reaching climax.
It’s obvious this guy is lifting way more than he can handle, as evidenced by his whacky form, heavy breathing, and tomato-red face. You spend your workout praying he doesn’t break his back.
This girl loves to tell other people she’s exercising. She spends her workout slowly peddling a recumbent bike while concentrating on her smartphone. She’s also prone to texting while lying on a yoga mat, most often between crunches.
The Selfie Queen
Much like The Texter, The Selfie Queen loves to tell the world she’s at the gym. The primary difference is that she provides visuals. This gym rat can only be found in front of mirrors, usually angled with one hand on her hip and one heel elevated.
The Germ Monster
This person never wipes down equipment, leaving their sweat and germs everywhere. Perhaps they’re trying to make their mark on the gym, much like a peeing dog. If you see a Germ Monster, promptly plead with them to WIPE DOWN THE EQUIPMENT!!!
The Overly-Judgmental Pregnant Lady
Yup, that would be ME. Pregnancy has sure brought out my sassy side. I should note that this blog is all in fun, and I admit to playing some of these roles myself. I’m prone to hauling around a giant water bottle, thick notebook, and, at times, my phone as I traverse the gym floor (and we all need to take a selfie once in a while, right?).
Ok, let’s chat. Have you ever played one of these roles? Which characters did I miss?